Our three primary needs: Security, agency, and value

- According to a 2024 study by the Society for Human Resource Management, more than 60% of US workers have experienced incivility at work, and at least 30% of workers believe that workplace conflict will increase over the next 12 months. Why is this? Why do workplace conflicts often tend to get worse? Chances are, it's not just about surface-level issues. Conflicts get worse because deeper psychological needs are at play. Now, there are three core psychological needs that drive human behavior and contribute to workplace conflict. These are the needs for security, agency and value. By understanding these needs, you'll be better equipped to respond constructively in challenging situations at work. Let's break down each of these psychological drivers and see how they influence conflict dynamics. First, let's discuss security. This is our need to feel safe physically, emotionally, and socially. When this need is threatened, our brains go into protection mode. For example, imagine you received unexpected negative feedback from a supervisor at work. If you perceive it as a threat to your job stability, your instinct may be to get defensive or just shut down and withdrawal. Even if the feedback is constructive, the fear of losing security can drive conflict between you and your manager. If you get defensive or feel the urge to react emotionally to a situation, it's important to recognize what stories, conscious or unconscious, you might be telling yourself, and how those stories might make you feel a lack of security or stability. When people feel insecure, they often react with fear or defensiveness. Recognizing the stories that play in your mind can help you interrupt the thoughts and respond to the situation more effectively. The second need is agency. This is the need to feel in control of our choices and actions. When people feel powerless, they're more likely to push back, to resist and become super frustrated. For example, think about a workplace change such as a new policy or process that was implemented without input from its employees. If they feel like they have no say or no way to give input on a decision that affects them, resistance and conflict are likely to follow. It's not just about the change itself. It's about the feeling of having control taken away from them. A lack of agency can make people feel unheard or even trapped. That's why encouraging open dialogue and giving a people a sense of ownership in decisions can reduce tension and build cooperation. Third is the need to feel valued. This is about recognition and respect. We all want to know that our contributions, our opinions, and our presence matter. For example, imagine you work hard on a project, but your efforts go basically unnoticed. Or even worse, maybe your coworker gets all the credit and no one acknowledges your role. That feeling of being undervalued can lead to resentment, disengagement, and maybe even open conflict. When people don't feel valued, they may withdraw or act out. Recognizing and appreciating others, whether through words or actions or gestures, really helps prevent unnecessary conflict, and it can strengthen relationships. Now, take a moment to reflect. Think of a past conflict you've experienced. Can you identify whether security, agency and/or value played a role? Maybe all three were at play. Maybe just one. Write down your thoughts. What stories were running in your mind? How did these stories affect? How did these stories make you feel? Understanding these drivers of emotion and behavior can really help you navigate future conflicts more effectively. Conflict isn't just about what's being said or done. It's about how those behaviors are perceived as threatening to our basic psychological needs, but recognizing the psychological needs behind conflict, you can respond with greater awareness, empathy, and effectiveness. As you move forward, keep these three needs in mind. The better you understand them, the better you'll be at turning conflict into an opportunity for connection and resolution. Next, we'll talk about how these three psychological needs might be at play across three dimensions of conflict.