A Prepared Place: Allyship (Part 2)

A few months ago, I was sharing at an event about my experiences as a Black woman throughout my various roles. Someone asked me about allyship. I realized—I didn’t have a good answer, and the question has stayed with me.

Truthfully, allyship isn’t something I center much in my thinking. But I did respect that this VP even asked the question. When it comes to leadership—especially leadership that prepares space for others—I will always honor people who are willing to stretch their perspective for the sake of those around them.

Allyship brings up a lot of questions for me:

• Is it loud or quiet?
• Is it the sum of small, consistent actions—or something that forms through close relationship?
• Does being an ally mean always agreeing with a marginalized group’s perspective?

One reason I created a framework that addresses Leading with a Conviction is because I believe people need space to discover what they really stand for—before jumping into trying to be a resource for others. Question: does the latest news cycle dictate who or what you want to ally yourself with?

That’s not shade—but I hope the response to reading that question is contemplative. Have you given thought to what causes or communities you actually have the capacity to walk with, especially across different seasons of your life?

To connect this to Part 1, this can look like a person who may have had a lower cost of entry recognizing disparity. Moral intent is great, but that doesn’t automatically come with the skills to create the tangible change you might hope for. Allyship takes work.

Allyship starts with the word All. That strikes me, because I am someone who acknowledges I am not all things to all people—but I do want to be a proper steward of the areas where I believe I have responsible influence. I have a point of view that comes with boundaries and clarity on my convictions. I know that comes with difference.

The graphic for this article shows a few examples of how people vary in their sense of what’s right, wrong, and in their tolerance for difference. But those are things we encounter daily with everyone we interact with. I think it’s important to recognize that—and to know the futures we all hope for may have different plots and outcomes.

How would I like to be supported by an ally?

I use “I” here because I do believe there’s a full spectrum of what people want in this space. As I mentioned, “ally” isn’t really a term I use or something I look for. But I do notice when someone from a different demographic makes me feel supported—not because of my role, but because of who I am.

Every room I walk into, I walk in as a Black woman. I’m inherently aware when I’m an only, it happens in most settings, it can be expected. So, when I come across someone else like me, there’s often an instant connection, simply because of the rarity. And when I meet someone unlike me who still knows how to hold space relationally—that’s meaningful too.

It means something to feel like I can “let my hair down” and say something rooted more in personhood than business—and know that the person can acknowledge an “ouch moment” for me, even if their perspective of the situation doesn’t align with mine.

I may never call that person an ally, but here’s an example to further illustrate:

There was a time when I was in an office with someone (my "kind of" boss at the time), and we could hear conversations happening around us in the open area. Because of the nature of what was being shared, she turned to me and loudly asked, “Does that conversation offend you?” I knew wholeheartedly she had my back and would have intervened if I said yes.

Some time passed, and I asked her where that came from, what shaped her consistent behavior. She attributed it to proximity, not formal education. It was something she picked up through presence, not policy.

It’s not always high-stakes.

At the end of last year, I attended a data center construction conference in Atlanta. ATL is basically a cultural hub for Black people—and yet, in a crowd of almost 500, I was once again...you guessed it, the only one. I did have the best time though!

I travel a lot for work and genuinely enjoy conversations with strangers (who else am I going to talk to?). I wore an OSU hoodie on the flight down as a conversation starter, we had just lost to Michigan. (I didn’t actually watch the game, but I had my talking points 😂.)

I ran into old coworkers, and while there were no other attendees who looked like me, there were a few exhibitors. I posted a photo mid-laugh with the Procore team, and my friend in a group chat joked, “Look at Candice hanging out with a Black and Black-adjacent person.”

Hilarious. Also… something to pause and think about.

Being an “only” isn’t joyful—it can be isolating. The goal isn’t to be in a room where everyone looks the same (I value diversity of thought). The desire is to be in a space that is prepared, life-giving, and sustaining.

I appreciate a simple hi and eye contact. It goes a long way. Maybe that’s a simple step someone wanting to be an ally can take today.

Summary

Whether you call it allyship, mentorship, or sponsorship, I hope it’s done with the intentionality that comes from well-thought-out convictions.

If your aim is to support all, then map out what that actually means to you. Sometimes you need to go deep before going wide. If you go too wide for too long (too general), you risk missing the very impact you set out to make.

My final encouragement: get clear on your stance when it comes to right, wrong, and difference. Understanding that, and recognizing where others may land differently, can help you plan how to navigate spaces for those whose lived experiences differ from yours.

That’s the conclusion, but I love a good resource!

More details below if you’d like to dig deeper. (ChatGPT helped summarize the definition and explanation.)

Definition of Allyship

Allyship is the active, consistent, and reflective practice of using one’s privilege and power to support and advocate for marginalized or underrepresented groups. It goes beyond passive support or agreement—it involves:

1. Listening and Learning: Seeking to understand the lived experiences, challenges, and perspectives of others without centering oneself.
2. Taking Action: Using your voice, influence, or resources to challenge injustice, amplify marginalized voices, and create more equitable systems.
3. Being Accountable: Welcoming feedback, acknowledging mistakes, and committing to continual growth and humility.
4. Standing in Solidarity: Showing up consistently, even when it’s uncomfortable or inconvenient—not just when it’s trending.

Allyship is not a label one claims, but a role earned through action, affirmed by those you seek to support.

Right, Wrong, Different (Graphic Explained)

One of my favorite books from seminary is Cross-Cultural Connections by Duane Elmer.

Here’s a simplified explanation:

• Right: Morally good or acceptable across cultures (e.g., caring for the poor, telling the truth).
• Wrong: Morally unacceptable universally (e.g., stealing, lying, abuse).
• Different: Culturally specific practices that are neither morally right nor wrong—just not your way (e.g., eating with hands vs. utensils, eye contact norms, views of time).

And finally, if you ever get a chance to see what Portland Airport is doing in their remodel (image behind Elmer's concept)…captivating! They somehow captured the same feeling I get being amongst the trees in Oregon—inside the airport. Master craftsmanship and intentionality. What a gift....can you tell I love the built environment!