Why Leaders Need Leaders

Dear friends,

I often remind myself that a certain degree of discomfort is a good thing. When I consider what it means to be a virtuoso performer, it always speaks to a pursuit rather than a point of arrival. And what drives this pursuit is a mild, persistent sense of dissatisfaction and the belief that you can and must be better than you are today, even though there is no evidence that the level of performance you aim for has ever been achieved by anyone before you.

I describe grit as getting comfortable being uncomfortable. It is the product of being fully conscientious, meaning that your actions are compelled by an indelible sense of what is necessary and right. This drive creates new possibilities, turning what was never believed to be possible into the realities of our lives.

Looking back over the past 20 years, I've observed that entrepreneurial CEOs thrive in environments that support that drive. While they may build their organizations to realize this, the very real isolation that leadership creates makes having a place where they feel they belong, that challenges their thinking and beliefs, provides the spark that causes them to accomplish much more than they would on their own.

This week's essay shares how beliefs, behaviors, and belonging are essential to building and sustaining high-performance organizations.

Here's to wishing you a great week!

prl

Why Leaders Need Leaders

I recently read Lauren Jackson's essay “Believing and Belonging” in the New York Times. In it, she explains how people all over the world and in all walks of life crave meaningful connections, and more importantly, how they are proven to flourish when supported by such connections. 

While this need is often met through religious affiliation in churches, temples, synagogues, and mosques, the opportunity to feel that you belong to something meaningful extends into nonreligious organizations and affiliations. Sports and politics foster a sense of community, as do clubs and volunteer organizations. Your workplace, school, and neighborhood all provide meaningful and often significant connections. 

When I began leading CEO peer groups twenty years ago, I recognized that the cohorts served two primary needs. It was easy to demonstrate the benefits of enhancing their skills, broadening their knowledge, solving problems, and growing their companies. This is all very practical and offers a clear ROI. 

But over the years, it became clear that the greater need was for a place to belong, to feel less alone, and to be genuinely understood. It’s not only lonely at the top; it’s often uncomfortable at home, on the golf course, and anywhere the people around you don’t comprehend the true sense of isolation. CEOs come to our cohorts for a sense of belonging among others who truly understand them.

One of my earliest clients was a dynamic woman who led one of the largest nonprofit organizations in the state. She was deeply admired in the community, but also at odds with those who disagreed with her decisions and strategies. On the same day she attended the inaugural meeting of our Cohort, she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. She stoically shared her determination to serve as a role model for her employees, the community, and, most importantly, her daughter. Moreover, she humanly demonstrated her vulnerability by sharing this commitment with a group of strangers. 

She had a rough go of the grueling treatments she faced, along with extended stays in hospitals. She withdrew from uncomfortable social situations to avoid being pitied or worried over. She very nearly died several times.

At one point, she hadn’t attended a meeting or spoken to me for several months. I wondered if she should withdraw from the Cohort. I worried about her well-being, but she continued to worry more about everyone else. When I offered to place her on sabbatical, she declined, telling me that we were here “CEO Soulmates.” 

Lauren Jackson’s essay reminded me that CEOs need a space where they feel they belong—where they feel safe, understood, supported, and can thrive. I’ve learned that while the more measurable benefits are important, the real value lies in what Jackson calls the three B’s: a shared sense of belief about what matters, behaviors that make us joyful and more effective, and belonging to a group of people you trust and can depend on, who need you as much as you need them.