Why trust is harder in uncomfortable environments

"I only tell my boss the risks when I’m 100% sure, otherwise I’d rather keep quiet” - a manager recently told me during a workshop: Other managers started nodding - highly relatable. This is what psychology calls the MUM effect - Minimizing Unpleasant Messages coined by Rosen & Tesser (1970). It’s the deeply human tendency to avoid delivering bad news or to soften it until the truth is barely visible. - We do it to protect ourselves from blame. - We do it to protect others from discomfort. - And in the moment, silence feels safer than honesty. But here’s the cost: - Leaders make decisions without critical information. - Teams repeat the same mistakes. - Opportunities get lost. But here’s the paradox: what feels safe for the individual is unsafe for the team. Neuroscience explains why: when we prepare to share uncomfortable truths, the amygdala - the brain’s threat detection system - activates. It interprets honesty as danger: the risk of rejection, conflict, or loss of status. So silence feels like self-protection. How can leaders mitigate this effect? 👉 1. Redefine what “good” means in your team Say explicitly: “Being good here means raising risks early, even if you’re not 100% sure.” 👉 2. Reward the messenger, not just the message Thank people for speaking up, regardless of whether the risk turns out real. This rewires the brain to see honesty as safe. 👉 3. Ask better questions Replace “Any questions?” with “What’s the toughest risk we might be overlooking?” or “What would you challenge if you were in my seat?” ✨ This is exactly what I work on with leadership teams in my Safe Challenger program and workshops, helping leaders unlearn compliance-based leadership and build cultures of courage. Because the biggest risk in teams isn’t mistakes. It’s silence. P.S.: What’s do you think is harder: speaking up with uncomfortable truths or hearing them?

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗼𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁. And you can’t have trust without safety. In a recent leadership workshop, one participant said something that stuck with me: “People are too afraid to speak. They’re not sure if what they say is safe or correct.” That one sentence explained everything. Because most collaboration issues aren’t really about teamwork. They’re about 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲𝘁𝘆. Not physical safety.  But emotional safety. The kind that says: • “It’s okay to share my honest opinion.”    • “I won’t be humiliated if I’m wrong.”    • “My contribution will be valued — even if it’s not perfect.”    Without that, people go quiet. They nod politely. They route communication through middlemen. They avoid meetings. They stop trying. And it’s not because they don’t care. It’s because they don’t feel safe enough to risk caring 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘭𝘰𝘶𝘥. So when leaders tell me, “My team won’t collaborate,” I often ask: “𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗿𝘆?” Because trust doesn’t grow in high-pressure environments where mistakes are punished and honest feedback is met with defensiveness. 𝗜𝘁 𝗴𝗿𝗼𝘄𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗻. 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗱. 𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗲𝗱. Even when their view is different. Even when they’re still learning. Even when it’s messy. If collaboration is what you want — safety is where you start.

So much of what we encourage assistants to do is about finding their voice. To speak up. To challenge. To bring their insight and perspective into the room. But what happens when they do, and that voice is dismissed? When feedback is brushed aside. When questions are met with defensiveness. When the courage to speak is answered with silence, sarcasm, or exclusion. The impact is far greater than most leaders realise. Because for assistants, trust is not just professional. It is the foundation of the role. Their work depends on partnership, on knowing their contribution is valued and their judgement respected. When that is dismissed, it does not just dent confidence; it undermines collaboration. Slowly, the assistant begins to edit themselves. They stop offering ideas. They stop anticipating needs with the same energy. They do the job, but not with the same heart. And the executive loses one of their most powerful assets: a trusted partner who tells them the truth. When trust breaks, everything changes. Because being dismissed after finding your voice teaches you that courage has a cost, and that silence feels safer than speaking. When your assistant speaks up, they are not being difficult. They are being brave. They see the cracks before they become crises. They hear the conversations that never make it to your desk. And when they risk telling you something uncomfortable, it is not to challenge your authority, it is to protect your blind spots. How you respond in that moment matters more than you might realise. Dismiss them, and you do not just silence a voice, you weaken the partnership that keeps everything running. Meet them with curiosity, not defensiveness. Ask questions. Listen. Even if you disagree, thank them for the courage it took to speak. Because an assistant who feels safe to tell you the truth is one of your greatest strategic advantages. And once that safety is gone, it is hard to rebuild. Trust is not built in the easy conversations. It is built in the hard ones, when both sides choose respect over ego, and listening over pride. The strongest partnerships are not built on compliance. They are built on truth, trust, and the courage to listen, even when it is uncomfortable. 🔁 Repost to share 👉 Follow Lucy Brazier OBE for daily insights and inspiration on the administrative profession.

Psychological safety – not a concept bandied around much in the 80s when I entered teaching. It entered workplace and organisational discourse in 1999, when Dr. Amy Edmondson, a professor at Harvard Business School, published her foundational research on the topic. This was when I accepted my first principalship. Her research showed that teams with high psychological safety were more likely to engage in learning behaviours, like speaking up with ideas, admitting mistakes, and asking for help, which in turn led to better performance and innovation. Let me clear about what I have come to know and understand since 1999, psychological safety isn’t about comfort, it’s about freedom. The freedom to say, “I’m not sure.” The freedom to raise a concern. The freedom to challenge a decision, without risking reputation or inclusion. In high-performing schools and organisations, psychological safety isn’t a ‘nice to have’. It’s foundational. It’s what gives people permission to take interpersonal risks, without second-guessing whether they’ll be sidelined for doing so. But here’s the misstep I see too often ➡️ Leaders confuse safety with softness. ➡️ Kindness replaces candour. ➡️ Harmony gets prioritised over truth. And when that happens, we create silence, not safety. Real psychological safety is built when people know that robust discussion won’t cost them credibility. 🤔 That disagreement, when offered with respect, won’t be met with defensiveness or quiet punishment. 🤔 That their voice has a place, even when it’s uncomfortable. 🤔 The challenge isn’t “How do I keep the space safe?” The real question is - “Have I built a culture where speaking truth is expected and protected?” We don’t build trust by skirting hard conversations. We build it by showing, consistently, that tough conversations are worth having. That candour is welcome. That honesty will be met with curiosity, not critique. So, a prompt as you reflect this week ❔ Can your people challenge you, without consequence? ❔ Are you mistaking silence for consensus? ❔ Do you model courage, or just ask for it? In leadership, safety and candour aren’t in conflict. They’re interdependent. #LeadershipMatters #PsychologicalSafety #CultureAndCandour #Trust #EducationalLeadership #StrategicLeadership

Avoided tough conversations? I get why. They’re uncomfortable, messy, and sometimes downright scary. But here’s what I’ve learned: those conversations hold incredible power. Think about this: → You’re stuck managing team conflicts, but avoiding direct discussions. → You’re negotiating deals, but hesitating on asking for what you really want. → You’re chasing growth, but dodging feedback that could change everything. I’ve been there. Years ago, I avoided addressing tough truths with clients and my team. I thought staying “safe” and avoiding friction was better for relationships. 𝙎𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙡𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙡𝙚𝙧𝙩: 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙬𝙧𝙤𝙣𝙜. What happened instead? → Misunderstandings piled up. → Trust eroded. → Progress stalled. Here’s what shifted everything: I decided discomfort wasn’t my enemy. I leaned 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙤 those tough conversations. Here’s how: ✅ Prepare with empathy: Understand their perspective before speaking. ✅ Lead with clarity: Say what needs saying, without sugarcoated distractions. ✅ Focus on outcomes: Frame conversations around solutions, not blame. Was I nervous? Absolutely. But here’s what happened next: → Relationships grew stronger because people felt heard. → Deals closed faster because objections were addressed upfront. → My team started thriving because issues weren’t left unresolved. Facing discomfort didn’t just solve problems—it unlocked breakthroughs. Today, every tough conversation feels like an opportunity. An opportunity for growth, connection, and clarity. Avoid discomfort, and you’ll miss out on all that. Lean 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 discomfort, and you’ll find your breakthroughs waiting. What’s your go-to strategy for tackling tough conversations? Let’s share insights that help us all grow.

24 years ago, I learned a lesson in a billion-dollar CEO’s office that stayed with me. The best leaders I’ve been around weren’t the ones who spoke the loudest or held the most authority. They were the ones who knew how to receive, the ones who could take in the full weight of what someone was saying, even if the words came out messy, heated, or uncomfortable. I watched as an employee came in, voice raised, frustration pouring out in sharp words that felt closer to an attack than feedback. I expected the CEO to shut it down, to demand respect, to set the tone. Instead, he leaned back in his chair, stayed silent, and let the man finish. When the room finally quieted, I asked him why he allowed it. His answer has never left me: “If I react to the delivery, I’ll lose the message. My job is to hear the message.” That perspective reshaped how I see leadership. Too many leaders are quick to defend themselves, quick to react to tone, quick to silence the discomfort. But in doing so, they often lose the truth that could have helped them grow their culture, their strategy, or their people. The real strength of a leader is not in shutting people down, but in creating an environment where the truth can be spoken without fear. And the connection is clear: when truth can be spoken, trust is built. When trust is built, performance follows. So here’s the lesson I carry forward: don’t waste your energy reacting to how feedback arrives. Your responsibility is to listen for the truth inside it, because that truth, not the tone, is what shapes a stronger team. #Leadership #Listening #Trust #OrganizationalCulture #HumanLeadership #PsychologicalSafety #GrowthMindset

In toxic workplaces, the unacceptable becomes the norm, and employees are expected to adapt and accept. The problem is that evolving in an environment that operates against our values and judgment can make us sick. Human beings are happier in environments that fit their values. There is a whole line of research dedicated to person-environment fit theory. Job candidates seek organizations with a culture that fits their values and personality. The person-environment fit theory indicates that when employees evolve in an environment that fits their values, they are more satisfied and engaged in their work and less likely to quit. However, when employees' values do not match their work environment, they are at an increased risk of burnout. The prominent values in toxic workplaces are greed, power, money, and control. These values translate into harassment, retaliation, overt and covert threats, incivility, lying, manipulation, and other unethical behaviors. Employees who dare question these values are seen as outliers and problematic. They are often retaliated against, warned to keep quiet, and even threatened if they stray from the norm. In toxic workplaces, violence is tolerated, and it is even encouraged, especially against individuals who dare challenge ideologies or behaviors that benefit and support the toxic culture and its leaders. In a toxic culture, you will feel uneasy, stressed, uncomfortable, and out of place. However, you will soon learn it is safer to keep quiet than speak up. When employees keep quiet in an environment that is opposite to their values, they experience what psychologists call cognitive dissonance. Cognitions are our thoughts. Cognitive dissonance happens when our actions or environment contradict our beliefs and values. Some will want to expose lies and address toxic behaviors to reduce the discomfort and distress associated with cognitive dissonance. However, these actions will be met with strong opposition, and employees are likely to retreat into a state of learned helplessness. It is often difficult or impossible for employees to change their organization's toxic culture. However, it is crucial for them to be aware that the discomfort they feel in toxic workplaces is normal. They are not the problem. The toxic environment is. Employees evolving in toxic workplaces need to create a support network, even if it is one friend or family member with whom they can talk about their values and the toxicity of their workplace. I have often seen employees in toxic workplaces ask if they are the problem or if they are "crazy" for thinking that the behaviors they witnessed are unacceptable. Being around people who validate, share, and support our values is essential. I believe in creating kindness bubbles around us. Surrounding ourselves with people who share our values and support one another is essential to our well-being. Take care of yourself and the people around you 💗

If you want candor, you’ll have to earn it twice: Once by asking for it. Once by not punishing it. The higher you go, the quieter the truth gets. Not because your team is full of cowards. But because they’ve learned the cost of candor. “We want honesty.” [Employee gets honest.] “Not like that.” You don’t create a culture of truth by asking for feedback. You create it by surviving it without retaliation. 🧠 Why this happens The moment you’re the CEO, every word becomes a weapon or a warning. You frown? That’s a veto. You stay silent? That’s disapproval. You say “good job” to one person but not another? Now it’s favoritism. People notice everything, because power amplifies impact. Even when you don’t mean it. And when candor has been punished in the past, even subtly, you don’t just lose feedback. You lose trust. 🧪 The research: fear shuts down insight A study published in Harvard Business Review found that psychological safety, not incentives, not titles, not values posters, was the #1 predictor of team performance. Why? Because teams that feel safe share more ideas, raise risks earlier, and fix problems faster. If people don’t feel safe speaking up, they don’t just withhold the bad news, they stop telling you the good stuff too. 😬 How the problem shows up • You ask for feedback, but no one goes first • You hear issues from whispers, not direct reports • You say, “I’m open,” but your face says “not again” • Everyone agrees too quickly in meetings And worst of all: The smartest people go quiet. Because they’ve done the math and it’s not worth it. 🛠 What I do now 1. I celebrate the tension, not just the win “You made me uncomfortable & you were right” is now a badge of honor in my org. 2. I name my own blind spots first Before asking others to call me out, I show them I do it to myself. That vulnerability signals safety. 3. I check reactions, not just responses If someone speaks truth & I flinch, I name it. “That stung. But I needed it. Thank you.” 4. I reward the risk, not just the result Sometimes the feedback isn’t actionable. Doesn’t matter. I still thank them, because they’ll only try once if I don’t. 🧭 Candor isn’t a value. It’s a test. One you pass or fail every single time someone speaks up. You want the truth? Show people you can handle it. Without flinching. Without spinning. Without consequence. #Leadership #CEO #ExecutiveLeadership #PsychologicalSafety #TeamCulture #FeedbackCulture #Trust #Communication #Management

“I don’t think my team trusts me anymore.” That’s how one of my clients, a senior executive, started our first coaching session. He wasn’t being dramatic. He was tired. Tired of pushing harder every quarter. Tired of trying to stay positive when morale was slipping. Tired of leading a team that was still performing, but no longer connected. The company had just gone through another round of restructuring. New reporting lines. New goals. Old wounds that no one had time to talk about. He said, “Everyone shows up to meetings, but no one really talks.” And that single sentence told me everything. We didn’t start by “fixing performance.” We started by rebuilding safety. → Real conversations, not carefully worded updates. → Follow-through, not promises lost to busy calendars. → Space to disagree, without fear of punishment. Leadership doesn’t start with clarity decks or new values. It starts with courage, the courage to listen before defending. The courage to stay present even when it’s uncomfortable. Three months later, that same team had reconnected. Meetings had energy again. People spoke up. They challenged ideas, respectfully. And performance rose naturally, not because they were pushed, but because they finally trusted again. When leaders repair trust, everything else follows, productivity, innovation, retention. When they don’t, no amount of strategy will save the culture. So if you’re a leader reading this, ask yourself: → Do people feel safe bringing me the truth? → When was the last time someone told me something uncomfortable? If you can’t remember, that’s where to start. Because trust doesn’t disappear overnight but it does disappear in silence.

Too many first time CEOs and up and coming tech leaders struggle with the effects of avoiding uncomfortable conversations, leading to dysfunction in their companies and teams. Avoiding tough conversations today can turn small issues into major crises. When we avoid confrontation, we tend to push problems aside rather than solving them. These unaddressed problems often grow and become much more significant over time. What starts as a minor issue can escalate into a complex conflict that’s much harder to resolve. A useful way to understand these dynamics is through the Karpman Drama Triangle, which shows how different dysfunctional roles—like the Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer—can emerge in workplace interactions. These roles lead to negative communication cycles that undermine healthy relationships and make it difficult for teams to work effectively. By recognizing these patterns, organizations can begin to shift toward more productive ways of engaging with each other. One of the common patterns in the Drama Triangle is the Rescuer role. I see this one a lot in up and coming senior leaders. When we step in to solve others' problems to avoid feeling uncomfortable ourselves, we unintentionally create dependency. This behavior can make others feel powerless, reinforcing their role as victims. Over time, this cycle keeps conflicts alive rather than resolving them in a healthy way. To prevent these dynamics from taking hold, clear and direct communication is key. Speaking openly, with empathy and compassion, helps everyone feel heard without the need for blame or avoidance. Compassionate honesty not only resolves problems more effectively but also prevents misunderstandings from escalating into harmful patterns. For leaders, this means overcoming the fear and discomfort that often come with addressing difficult issues head-on. Facing these conversations directly sets an important standard for honesty and trust within the team. By doing so, leaders help build healthier, more resilient workplace relationships, ultimately leading to a more effective and supportive work environment.